#through multiple organ failure
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I have a lot of like.... empathy for the frustration that disabled people feel who like, cannot work or had to take time off work and then have to deal with other people being like 'I wish I had x time off to do absolutely nothing.'
I do.
but there's just been some incredibly vitriolic hot takes that I've seen that jump frog from 'it's really annoying that people viewed it as just like... a vacation when I was healing from surgery/ a concussion/couldn't work due to xyz' to like 'OH SO YOU WISH YOU HAD *absolute worst moments of the disability*' instead of recognizing that like... some of the people who say those things.... are also in a lot of pain or incredibly burned out and really do sometimes weigh their odds of like 'if a car hit me, at least I could rest for a bit.'
and just...
imagine if I responded like that every time someone did the opposite to me.
You wish you could work? You're bored and frustrated because you could do some work but employers are assholes who often see people with disabilities as a liability?
I'm going to pretend that I don't see any potential reasonable version of what you've said and only address the imaginary version of what you've said that lives in my head.
OH, So you wish that you had to deal with the human rights violations that happen regularly in so many work places? OH? So you wish that it didn't matter how tired or how much pain you were in- you had to go into work anyway because the choice is dissociate or make your family homeless? You want to work for hours in so much pain that you're nauseuous but unable to process that you're even in pain anymore because if your brain let you feel it- you'd just fucking kill yourself? You want to work while literally seeing double, chest so painful that you're not certain that you *aren't* having a heart attack but unable to call out because there's no one coming if you do and your job involves being responsible for a human being who can't be responsible for themselves. So you simply can't be having a heart attack because that'd be dangerous for them.
.... oh that'd be a really shitty thing to assume of someone who is just voicing that they'd like to be able to have gainful employment/be less disabled?
man. I wonder what it's like for someone to assume the absolute worst version of what you said.
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mylittleredgirl · 10 months ago
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if i collect all the side effects from the prescription leaflet what do i win
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autistichalsin · 3 months ago
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I hate that I have to give this PSA at all- that I do is a failure on the part of multiple governmental organizations. But it is important.
COVID damages a lot more than you think. It damages more than your lungs, and does more than give you digestive issues. And sometimes, those issues can last well after you get better, even if you're not a person you would otherwise think of as being sick with long COVID.
If you only remember these two things, please just remember that:
COVID can and does damage your heart.
COVID can and does damage your nervous system, particularly your brain.
If you have had COVID in the last 18 months, you are at a highly elevated risk of sudden cardiac death compared to someone who hasn't. In the first three weeks after getting sick, your odds of dying from a heart-related event are 81 times that of an uninfected person, and five times higher in the following 18 months. You are also at a higher risk of of developing nonfatal heart disease; 40% likelier. (Source for all claims in this paragraph)
If you develop ANY cardiac symptoms at all after getting COVID- heart palpitations, blood pressure issues, fatigue, fainting, getting out of breath easier than is normal for you- you need to see a doctor as soon as possible, and you need to tell them you've recently had COVID. You have long COVID until proven otherwise.
Similarly, your risk of neurological disorders remains heightened over a year after getting COVID; approximately 40% higher. (Source) This manifests in more ways than I have time to list, but includes a vastly higher risk of dementia of all types (doctors are particularly seeing this with the under-45 group that was previously extremely rare), memory disorders, sensory issues (like persisting loss or distortion of taste and smell), mental health issues like anxiety or depression, and even more.
These can manifest in a lot of ways. But if you experience new anxiety or depression, new behavioral issues (particularly for those under the age of 18), if you suddenly can't focus anymore or can't remember things anymore (ESPECIALLY words, COVID has been noted to cause extreme difficulty with word recall), if you have tremors, if you're tired all the time, if you have "brain fog", if you have trouble sleeping, I could go on... again. You have long COVID until proven otherwise. EVEN IF you aren't "that sick". Even if you have energy to do things and can mostly function but you just aren't doing well in school/at work anymore because you can't remember the things your teacher/professor is talking about/the new work protocols your boss went over with you.
If you hop over to the subreddits for teachers or professors, you will notice a lot of them noting their students don't remember basic things the teachers have been pressing for an entire semester, or that students can't sit long enough to focus through a movie. And sure, some of that is cell phones reducing attention span, or students just not paying attention- but they just can't seem to pick up the pieces there that they are seeing long-term sequelae (that is, a different illness arising from COVID infection) in their students. It is everywhere, but few people are connecting the dots.
Similarly, there is a huge wave of pilots being unable to pass their physicals and losing their licenses, or making mistakes due to brain fog (in some cases even leading to crashes) or falling victim to sudden cardiac death in the middle of a flight.
EVERYONE is at risk from this. No one is talking about this. I don't kn- well, actually, no, I do know exactly why, I just don't like it. People want to make COVID the new flu, but it just isn't. It is not and never will be the flu. And we are willingly inflicting cardiomyopathy and dementia and all sorts of awful things on people in the name of regaining a sense of normalcy that is gone, but ironically would be closer to returning if we had accepted for a while that things WEREN'T normal and acted accordingly. But that chance is gone now, COVID is never going away because people couldn't bother, but they still can't admit it, they can't face the consequences of their actions, so instead we're getting this attempted coverup of the real long-terms dangers of COVID that even "young and healthy" people have.
But pretending things are normal doesn't make sick people healthy. So instead, try to educate folks, because there is a very high chance you or someone you know is sick right now, due to COVID infections they had months ago, and doesn't know it because people are pretending COVID is just the flu but with tummy upset and a disrupted sense of taste/smell.
People NEED to know what the actual dangers are.
ALSO, sidenote: if you are masking, and ask your medical team to mask, and they respond by starting to suggest you are experiencing "COVID anxiety", find a new provider. Immediately. Don't even continue the appointment. They are not interested in helping you.
Signed, your friendly neighborhood epidemiologist.
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riding-with-the-wild-hunt · 5 months ago
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vetted fundraisers from today. please continue to donate if you're in a position to do so and share regardless! any contribution you can make is urgently needed.
july 6th:
Basel Ayyad and his family of eight, including his sick daughter whose condition is deteriorating without treatment (CHF2,337/CHF60,000) - @basel-1995, #214 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet
Aya Alanqar, her husband Jihad, and their three little children (€886/€35,000) - @ayaalanqarsblog, verified by @/90-ghost
Ahmed Ziad, his siblings, and their elderly parents (£4,209/£30,000) - @ahmed-ziad, verified by @/nabulsi
Abdullah Mohammed, his wife (nine months pregnant and urgently needs perinatal care), their three young children, and three other family members ($9,443/$47,000) - @amhdes90, verified by @/el-shab-hussein
Ahmed Alanqar, his wife Dina, and their three young children (€23,840/€35,000) - @ahmedabuyamin, verified by @/nabulsi
Mohammed Hilles, his wife, and their four children (€21,965/€37,000) - @hmzamahamed3, #176 on @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein's spreadsheet
8-year-old Yusuf, who needs urgent treatment for kidney failure, his five siblings, and their parents (€41,141/€85,000) - @ahmednabubak, verified by @/nabulsi
Haneen Atya and her family of ten, including her mother (who needs treatment as soon as possible for a stroke and bleeding) and several young children ($38,407 AUD/$70,000 AUD) - @neverhate2024, @haneenatya34, #71 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet
Omar Sobhi and his family (their gofundme was just shut down and they lost all the funds they'd raised) ($95/$60,000) - @omargazablog, verified by @/nabulsi
Muhammad Atallah (who needs vital surgery after being shot with an explosive bullet) and his family of 14, including two children, one a newborn (€380/€82,000) - @mohammed-atallah, verified by @/90-ghost
Mahmoud Al-Sharif, his wife (pregnant and urgently needs care), and their three children ($304/$60,000) - @mahmoud-sharif, verified by @/90-ghost
Yousef Al-Habeel, his wife, and their little son Majd, who needs treatment for severe respiratory illness (£493/£20,000) - @savefamilyyousef, verified by @/90-ghost
The Al Zaeem family of seven, including four children and their sick grandfather ($18,916 CAD/$50,000 CAD) - @malkzaeem, @yosofzaeem, #129 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet
Mohammed Haboub and his family of four (kr17,911 SEK/kr300,000 SEK) - @mohammedhaboub-blog, verified by @/90-ghost
Muhammad Shehab and his family, including his two young sons (€385/€25,000) - @hyamshehab, @mohammedshehab111, verified by @/sayruq
Mahmoud Baalousha, his wife Islam, their three young children (one a newborn), and three other family members (€14,654/€50,000) - @5735765, #124 on @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein's spreadsheet
Helping Siraj Abudayeh, his wife, and their three young children rebuild their treasured home ($4,003 CAD/$82,000 CAD) - @siraj2024, verified by @/nabulsi
Firas Muhaisen's family of six, including three children, as well as he and his sister's (very time sensitive) medical school fees ($1,864 CAD/$82,000 CAD) - @firasmuhaisenn, @nisreenameen, @hashemmuhesin, verified by @/90-ghost
Newlyweds Noor and Alaa (both have lost multiple family members) (€2,691/€25,000) - @nouralaagaza, verified by @/90-ghost
Journalist and cancer patient Yousef Abu Saeed and his family (they had raised >100k, but were scammed by an organizer and have had to start over) ($5,161/$60,000) - @/ph_youseeff on instagram, #18 on operation olive branch's press heroes tab
these families are struggling through unimaginable difficulties each day just to survive - more than ever they need us to come through for them. your choice to engage with this post or support one of the above campaigns materially matters so much
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bones4thecats · 10 months ago
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What If They Were Fathers?
Type of Writing: #5 - Poll Result Characters: Bonten! Manjiro Sano, Sanzu Haruchiyo, Kakucho, and Hajime Kokonoi Name: What If They Were Fathers? Original Poll Link: Here
A/N: The Reader is FEMALE in this, since they're pregnant and whatnot.
WARNING! This contains: Mentions of drugs, overdoses, alcohol addiction, and drug addiction
Spoilers for: Bonten Arc
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🍵 It shocked Mikey enough that you still loved him even though he wasn't the same happy-go-lucky boy he was years ago, instead, he grew into a emotionless and dead-appearing individual
🍵 So, when he heard that you were pregnant, he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a small bit of love grow inside his now cold-heart
🍵 Mikey was very good when it came to caring for you during your pregnancy, he would have the others go get you things you needed, since he suspected someone was after him and you
🍵 After all, being pregnant slows down a woman from whooping ass
🍵 It was surprising, but, when you went into labor and you were yelling at him as he tried calming you down, Mikey stayed as calm as ever
🍵 He would slightly flinch at the loud screams of pain you let out, and he was honestly kinda scared he may lose you when the gang's doctor rushed you to lay down and stay calm
" Mr. Sano, sir, would you like to hold your baby? "
🍵 Looking behind him, he stared at his first child, a son, and he felt a shimmer of happiness and sadness rush through him at the same time, it reminded him of when he first met Emma, how he cared for her automatically without any reason
🍵 As he held your baby, he let a tear rush down his cheek as you chuckled at his small moment of vulnerability, something he swore he would never show was in-fact showing, he was still human inside
🍵 Now, while your son grew up, Mikey was a hint of a helicopter-father, he runs a very dangerous organization, one that is being hunted by authorities constantly, and he had enough to do when worrying about you, but, his son was so similar to younger him
🍵 The boy would run up to strangers and make them laugh without a care in the world as Mikey would hide himself deeper in a hoodie while you got your son back to you guys
🍵 But, despite many beliefs, he's a decent father
🍵 Mikey would put some things behind and would play with his son, for example, if his son wanted to mess around with some sock puppets and make a story, Mikey would indulge him and mess with him, making his voice deepen and rise for his son's laugh to erupt
🍵 He does have his faults though, as his work can end up making his son mature faster than a child should, or he could end up saying or doing something that upset you, making his son start disconnecting with him
🍵 Overall, he's a 7.5/10 father, he's good in certain situations and bad in others
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🔪 Sanzu and you have known one another for years, planting the first time you ever met nearly 10 years prior to this one
🔪 When he went through the years of torturous addictions, whether it be to alcohol or drugs that he somehow got a hold of through means even you didn't know of, you were always there to pull him away
🔪 Because of those issues, he had no idea why you settled for him of all people, you were so beautiful, you could've gotten with any other member of Bonten, maybe even his own boss
🔪 But, you settled with him, the guy who had nearly overdosed from his drugs and alcohol multiple times
🔪 While pushing those hateful thoughts of himself to the back of his brain, Sanzu had gone through multiple attempts of rehabilitation, and after a few failures and your threat of leaving him, he began taking it seriously, he loves you and he needs you to be there
🔪 It took a while, but, once he made it to your first milestone of a year of sobriety, you gave him a reward, which led to something bigger than expected
🔪 You had gotten pregnant, leaving Sanzu is shock, and his brain nearly, nearly, slipped away to him grabbing a large bottle of whiskey and wine mixed with a large bag of his old drugs
🔪 In the midst of his panic-attack, it took Kakucho's words of affirmation with his boss' assurance of him getting a form of paternity leave to just calm him down
🔪 He takes excellent care of you during your pregnancy, and that carried onto him as a father, to a degree, that is
🔪 When you went into labor, he was panicking badly, he had nearly passed out when you began to scream in pain, and during this mass of chaos, the doctor had to usher Ran and Rindou to take him out of the room
🔪 Hearing your screams of agony stop made his heart sink, what happened? Were you okay? How was his baby? Oh God, what if he lost you and the baby?! How would he live with himself?!
" Mr. Haruchiyo, your wife and daughter are in perfect condition. Would you like to come and see them? " " Yes! I- I mean, yes, please. "
🔪 When he held your daughter for the first time, he swore on his life he would protect you guys from everything, including himself. And, that day, he swore to stay sober for good. No fuck ups this time, he couldn't, no, he wouldn't risk harming his child and his own wife
🔪 Ever since your daughter was born, the rest of Bonten began to hide their deals from your home more often, by orders of Mikey, since, he knew how a traumatizing childhood can affect someone
🔪 Sanzu loves to play with her, for example, at just a few months old until she was around maybe seven years old, he would pick her up and toss her in the air for him to catch
🔪 Unlike Mikey, Sanzu doesn't really fear anyone harming his child, if they were a boy that is, he has a full-fledged belief that boys are far more feared than women, so, whenever his daughter starts talking to a stranger, he glares from behind her to make sure that random guy didn't even attempt touching her
🔪 He definitely tries holding back his tears during her first day of school, or really during any massive part of her life, especially when she graduated and moved out, his baby was so old now... he's getting back pain!
" Dad... I'm just moving across the street in another apartment, don't worry! I'll come see you and Mom whenever I can! Please don't cry! " " I'm not crying about that! Your Mother swat a fly earlier, I feel bad for the fly! "
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❤️‍🔥 This guy is the definition of husband and father material, that I cannot deny
❤️‍🔥 When you guys started dating, he always had the idea of your future, from marriage to having children, whenever he would come home from a fight all injured, he would ask you if this was what you really wanted
❤️‍🔥 Did you really want to be with him? For crying out loud, he could get possibly killed at any time! This especially set in when you guys lost Izana (I believe that still happens... correct me if I'm wrong!)
❤️‍🔥 It still shocks him to this day on the fact you married him, he worked for Bonten, a gang very well known for their heinous actions, all members, including Kakucho himself, have done horrible things, how could you look him in the eye, nonetheless propose having children?
❤️‍🔥 You really surprise him at every turn, don't you?
❤️‍🔥 He smiled and gave you the thumbs up. Thankfully, it didn't take very long for you to find out you were pregnant, and as your stomach grew, he read many books on parenthood, he couldn't risk his child having a childhood as rough as he did
❤️‍🔥 When you went into labor, he was scared out of his mind, all of a sudden the floor was wet and you were heaving over in pain, leaving him to carry you bridal-style as he ran to Bonten's doctor
" I think they're in labor, Doctor! " " Girls! Get her in the delivery room, stat! "
❤️‍🔥 Hearing you scream in pain made him flinch as Kokonoi and Takeomi tried keeping him from busting down the door to comfort you
❤️‍🔥 Once the doctor came outside of the room and asked for him to come inside, he burst past the man dressed in scrubs and hugged you as you laid on the bed with a blanket in your arms
❤️‍🔥 You hushed him and held up your baby girl's head, and when your husband laid eyes on his daughter, he began to tear up, he really started crying was when she gripped his finger with her tiny fist
❤️‍🔥 You guys really made this? How surprising is this, huh?
❤️‍🔥 As your son grew up, Kakucho adores messing with her hair, he always had his in a buzz-cut as he grew older, so, whenever she asked for him to braid her hair when she was small, he obliged and gave her such a cute hairstyle!
❤️‍🔥 Kakucho obligates his family in first place alongside his work, though, since he was one of the top four people in Bonten, he got quite busy, but, he always tries pushing it all away as best as he could
❤️‍🔥 Thankfully, Mikey was more lenient with that since he knew of Kakucho's family-oriented life
❤️‍🔥 He is definitely one of the best fathers in the Tokyo Revengers Universe, he wants his child to grow up in a world where they feel wanted, and that roots deep with his own childhood
❤️‍🔥 This guy is also very protective, he's lost so many people, his best friend, Izana, for example
❤️‍🔥 Anyone tries harming his daughter, there will be hell to pay.
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💰 Kokonoi, much like Kakucho, is still surprised that you wanted to be with him, but, he's also surprised that he was still with you... he believed that after the loss of Akane that he would never love again
💰 Thankfully, when you came into his life during the earlier years of Bonten to help with some issues with relations between gangs, Kokonoi began to bond with you
💰 When he asked you to marry him after a few months of dating and a couple weeks of courting, he remembers exactly how you smiled when you confirmed you wanted the same as him
💰 Kokonoi has enough resources to care for his family, so, when you proposed having children, he wasn't very worried about expenses, this guy knows so many ways of making money that even the richest people in the world would be baffled
💰 He was very excited when you found out you were having a baby, nonetheless when it was found out to be twins
💰 During your early months of pregnancy, he would grab everything for female babies and male babies, since the gender was hard to tell until your fifth month
💰 This guy was on cloud nine when notified you were both genders
💰 Now he doesn't have to worry about Mikey being mad that he bought so much male and female items for these babies
💰 Anyways, when you eventually went into labor, Kokonoi was as calm as a butterfly on the outside, while on the inside he was like a swarm of angry geese, thoughts flying faster than the snitch in Harry Potter
💰 He stayed in the room with you, allowing you to squeeze his hand, despite the immense pain you were bringing to his hands, he probably was getting bruises from your hold
💰 When the sounds of your first baby's cries entered his ears, he swore he forgot all about the pain in his hands, but, when his daughter came out just a few minutes later, his heart swooned
💰 If you've seen Friends, you might be familiar when Frank Jr. ran out to the gang and was yelling about his first child's birth, oh yeah, he definitely does that
" Yes! We have the first one down! I cannot believe I have a son... oh God! I have a Hajime Jr.! " " Has your wife even agreed to that name, Kokonoi? " " Nope! "
💰 Kokonoi held his son, whom you had to turn down his ideas of naming him Hajime Jr., and you held your daughter, and you had to turn down him naming her Sanzu-ia, he loves pissing Sanzu off too much...
💰 As your babies grew up, Kokonoi spoiled them beyond belief, and you had to hold him back from doing something stupid, like buying a TV show because his little baby girl wanted to meet a character she loved
💰 While the two grew up, he, much like Sanzu, cries at mass events for them, but, unlike Sanzu, he doesn't try holding himself back from showing his emotions to his children, prompting their embarrassment and you laughing at their antics
" Dad... please stop crying, God you're so embarrassing me... " " I can't! My babies are growing up so fast! Can you believe that just eighteen years ago you're mother was pushing you out of her- " " DAD! "
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melmedarda · 5 months ago
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arcane ep 1 dashboard simulator
🌉 pilt-power Follow
did we all hear about the explosion in the kiramman building in midtown? somebody's getting fired and i hope its old cassie
🗝️ kirammankitty Follow
literally get off her case? yes it was an apprenta from her clan whos apartment was blown up but its not her fault. she is a mother and a fully functioning member of society you're just jealous you'll never be as rich and influential as she is
🌉 pilt-power Follow
don't know how to tell you this but she's not gonna fuck you.
#some people wanna eat the rich and not in the cannibalistic way #anways fuck the kirammans
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🏚️ zaun-and-zest Follow
deckard won't admit it but he got his ass handed to him by a girl. so much for his hardass exterior
🥊 fist-in-your-face Follow
are you saying girls can't fight?
🌐 worldstarzaun Follow
i saw thatttt bro, she let him have it. we were like let him get up, let him get up #deckardassbeating
🏚️ zaun-and-zest Follow
no i'm implying he is weaker than a girl do not put words in my mouth i will enforce my foot up your ass
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🍃 downthesump420 Follow
i swear to janna if that pleasure house yordle makes eyes at me again i'm jumping into the pilt and filing a restraining order
🏩 babettes-saggy-tits Follow
why is it you. what do you have that i do not?
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👤 life-in-the-lanes-deactivated-3404985 Follow
those damn kids have got the fucking enforcers breaking down my door and for WHAT. this is why i don't want kids they are too much trouble. normalize celibacy
🍺 alkaholical Follow
you won't have that chance have kids bc nobody will sleep with you unless you pay them
👤 life-in-the-lanes-deactivated-3404985 Follow
my mother will know your name
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🐹 deathtoheimer Follow
you aren't living in zaun if you don't have multiple organ failure!!!!
🐹 deathtoheimer Follow
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👮🏾 grayson-fanpage Follow
Grayson sighted in the Lanes, at Benzo's shop.
🚨 graysonsulimatefanboy Follow
grayson pick me please pick me please pick me please pick me please pick me please pick me im on my knees pleace pick me plouse pick me come over i'm at 69 sidereal st
🫄graysoncocksleeve Follow
mommy longdick just landed back in the lanes!!!!!! welcome mommy longdick!!!!
🚓 graysontheemilf Follow
now what is she doing in the ghetto? free my milf!!! grayson come home baby, the kids miss you!!
🔗 graysons-left-asscheek Follow
humilating how you all are begging over an enforcer who enables piltover's unjust presence and occupation of zaun. disgusting!!! the gray has muddled your minds. that being said, i need grayson to dom me.
🚫 defundthenenforcers Follow
using this post as a blocklist, all of you are sick fucks
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🍻 thelastfop Follow
fuck that piltie marcus his stupid face makes me want to kill someone
💦 dilfvander Follow
a fellow marcus hater on my dash??? legendary because i hate that sleeze bag too. i hope he stubs his toe every morning and gets an itch he can never scratch and falls into the pilt and is run through a ship propeller and his remains float out to bilgewater where he becomes fish food. dishonor on him and his family fr.
🍻 thelastfop Follow
bro said
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madarasgirl · 6 months ago
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His Immortal
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Permission to use art from the INCREDIBLY talented @vanerchest. Feeling very honoured! I think about this piece often whenever I write Alucard angst.
C/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x senior!Reader, angst, on death and dying, hospital setting, hurt/no comfort, shadow writing. Inspired by the legendary song "My Immortal" by Evanescence Words: 998
You supposed you were the one who was selfish for choosing this mortal fate and leaving your greatest love behind.
Did you regret this path? Sometimes you thought perhaps you did. There would have been tons to gain by becoming an ageless vampire at his side, and on occasion, you used to speculate 'what if?'
It didn't matter. It was far too late to backtrack anyways, and it would be an insult to do so, after living such a beautiful, full lifetime spent with Alucard, teeming with precious memories and magical experiences. He aged with you through the decades –at least he made it so his appearance did.
But as with all mortals who lived long enough, you too eventually grew very old, frail, and sick. Your body betrayed you and no longer belonged to you. It didn't obey when you wanted to walk, speak, eat, or even breathe.
So here you lay in a hospital bed, intubated and sedated, machines replacing the function of vital organs while multiple drugs dripped nonstop to hold you captive in this realm. What a sight you made, with tubes protruding from every corner on your skeletal form.
Your body may have failed, but fortunately you never developed dementia. Your mental faculties were as crisp as the night you met so long ago. A piece of you was still buried within, floating from above and somehow aware of the happenings around you in your comatose state.
The various alarms and buzzing were only background noises by now, and there was little commotion this time as well, but you felt a sense of relief. Sighing inwardly, you wished Alu would leave your side for a moment so you could just die already, though you knew that was an empty hope. The vampire had not parted from the bedside your entire stay.
Was he scaring the nurses by crying again? You hoped he'd remember to make them forget this time. And not to terrorize the staff and force them to do whatever it took anymore. You recalled the time you surfaced with another set of thick tubes in your neck and groin, and how painful they were. How frightening it was.
"You must live," he whispered to you at night at first. For his sake. So you did, trapped in the confines of your weathered shell, you continued to exist for him, slowly spiralling downhill until now.
With any other man, you'd be helpless to communicate in your vegetative state, but Alucard had never been as mediocre as 'normal.' So you begged him through telepathy. After all these years, reaching for his mind was as easy as sifting through your own thoughts, as natural as breathing (well, back when you were still able to do so independently). You implored him again to let you go. You were terminal and old, with no hope for recovery or any good prognosis. Being connected to every form of life support was not life, just a sad fate that prolonged your suffering and delayed your inevitable expiration.
Long ago, he promised not to let you suffer.
Alu, please don't make them bring me back again when my heart stops.
The weary, congested muscle thudded weakly towards failure. You were already dead in every way except you still possessed vital signs. The numbers were just evidence of the drugs, transfusions, and machines at work though.
The irony wasn't lost on you. At the end of the road, after declining his many offers to turn you when you were a maiden, you were finally just like Alucard, the living dead. You'd laugh if you could.
...More than anything, you didn't want him to see you like this, a husk of the vibrant woman you once were when you fell for each other. The unlikely circumstances of your meeting and scenes from your life flashed by in an instant. The vampire would tell you throughout the decades, when he'd get in one of his romantic moods, that you'd always be his sprightly young woman no matter your age. He actually only told you again yesterday. Or was it last week? 
How long have you been laying here?
The mind's eye saw his seated figure clearly and smiled. Actually, your tired mind pondered, you certainly did not regret a moment of your life with Alucard. He was the perfect partner and his unchecked devotion never gave you a reason to regret choosing him. Your lifespan was too short for that, he used to tell you.
But you regretted leaving him behind to be alone once more.
--------------------
Your heart stopped. And he loved you enough to let you go.
You were free.
Your spirit lifted from the prison of your flesh and you soared, wrapping around your love with your incorporeal form, sinking into him and caressing the unbeating heart that had ever belonged to you. This time, you wiped away the blood tears that fell.
You quivered.
Liberated from the pains and illnesses of advanced age, it was as if you'd become new and for the first time ever, like the fog lifted and you could finally see with clarity. Your non-existent chest tightened at the sight of your love crushed by your death, looking utterly devastated and lost. There was no sobbing or outward breakdown, but you knew his expressions well.
Nebulous fingers smoothed over inky black locks while you cradled his cheek. Glistening eyes the colour of polished rubies stared blankly at your lifeless corpse, your chest still rising and falling mechanically before the ventilator was turned off. He could not feel your soothing touch anymore and it broke you.
...
You will watch over your vampire from above and wait for him for the rest of your eternity, until he returned to dust and was no more. Then you'd meet him wherever he ended up. Just as he was, you were bound by the life you left behind.
And even if he was unaware, he still had all of you.
~End~
(For more angsty romance, check out my one-shot “Without You” on AO3. Warning: Smut abounds in that one. It is about the occasion when Reader chooses to remain human for her remaining days with Alucard. You will find similar themes to this short scene)
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kaijuno · 2 months ago
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I think I wanna talk a little bit about my near death experience. I’ve spent all week meditating on it, actually. Processing it. Doing regression therapy on myself essentially. It still makes me cry to recount, but now only because I feel like I saw… something.
I was hospitalized in March of 2020 with multiple organ failure, Covid, and C. Diff (and hey! I was one of the first people in the whole county to get Covid!!). I was an alcoholic and my drinking put me there… in that hospital.
They put me immediately in the SICU because they thought they were going to have to transport me to Detroit to remove a necrotic part of my pancreas.
But something happened. That first night, I spiked a fever of 105 degrees. I was obviously going through DTs (… delirium tremens) and just fever brained out of it… but I remember the nurse. She was a family friend. My parents both worked at that hospital. She laughed and said "oh I bet that feels nice" as she was putting ice bags on me and… I don’t know if it was the sun rising through the curtains but I think it was way before sunrise... there was a white, warm light behind her. She was on the opposite side of the room from the door so it wasn't that. And the light just kept getting brighter and I felt so comfortable and finally, FINALLY, warm.
And I just got the feeling I wasn't supposed to be there. I wasn't supposed to see that. The light. And everything went dark again and that was it, until I woke up the next morning. Like an immense feeling of peace and then feeling it being taken away from me.
It really shakes me up thinking about it because it's really hard to process what exactly I saw... if anything. I mean I don't know what to believe because like. I was going through DTs and feverish but that moment felt so clear.
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aspiringsophrosyne · 21 days ago
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What’s this season’s theme? They weren’t subtle about it. When the group asks her about Dohla, Allura almost literally turns to the camera and says: “Let’s just say being in dangerous situations with someone you’re close to can lead to friction.”
The show’s CRew drew considerable attention to this idea through Kima and Allura’s old friend, flashbacks to their adventuring days, Zerxus’ telling of the fall of Avalir, Scanlan’s failure to be fully present for either his daughter or Vox Machina, and the group splintering. On paper, this idea is fine, but in practice, its implementation is flawed.
Because what comes of all this setup? Scanlan steps away for Kaylie; what are the repercussions of that? While Keyleth and the twins break off from the rest, are they gone long? Does this season have a capstone with a potency similar to Bard’s Lament?
(For the record, I am neutral on having Bard’s Lament in Season 3, but excluding that eliminates one hefty bit of dramatic payoff. )
What’s interesting in hindsight is the unintentional, surprisingly substantial, and consistent theme that emerges. One that isn’t the Breaking of the Fellowship.
The twins exact their revenge on Thordak. Keyleth gets revenge on Raishan after Raishan gets hers on first the Ashari, then Thordak when he doesn’t provide her with her cure. Last season, Kaylie sought revenge but rejected it in the end, and now the Shorthalts are uncertain of where they stand. Percy wants to abandon vengeance, but Ripley forces his hand. After her fatal confrontation with Percy, the twins avenge him.
Noticing a pattern?
The script tells us this season’s heart is internal strife, but the action repeatedly shows us a revenge tale. With a strong through-line, marked thematic consistency, and multiple clear payoffs. Ironically, these elements develop organically, akin to mushrooms in the dark, shielded from the narrative heavy-handedness the spotlight would impose upon them.
With only a few tweaks, they could’ve had this plot laced up tighter than a 19th-century corset. Let the twins learn the identity of their mother’s murderer earlier, and let them get the last strikes on him. Give us the group HDYWTDT on Ripley. Let the anger Keyleth feels at Raishan initially block her from passing her earth trial—setting her up as a parallel to Percy; they both let go and walk out of this season alive—and you’ve cooked a full-course meal.
Instead of a retread, frame this story as an extension and escalation of the Briarwood arc—which established how self-destructive the old eye-for-an-eye can be—but this time for the villains: Thordak must be thwarted, and Ripley’s and Raishan’s respective revenge quests draw Vox Machina’s ire and ensure their downfall.
Because sometimes, one person’s vengeance is another person’s karma.
And if desired, you could build upon this idea even further in future seasons when the enemies waiting in the wings move to center stage. Some of them might be interested in payback.
The fact this secondary focus emerges so well and so naturally proves that this show's material is good enough that it doesn’t need bells and whistles or excessive exposition to establish and justify itself. Less-to-no spoon-feeding, keeping and bolstering what was great about the source material, and leaning into this revenge theme would’ve given us not just a much sounder narrative thread this season but a subtler and uncontrived one. And it wouldn’t have needed any extra time. It might’ve needed less if Ripley wasn't around as long.
This season didn't need an underdeveloped central theme that couldn't hold together for lack of payoff shoe-horned into it. It's a worse version of a problem season 2 had, where the idea of VM learning to not run from their problems made little sense in context and didn't really go anywhere for anyone except Scanlan.
All in all, it might be better to prioritize capturing what was great about the source material before adding to the story. Otherwise, you run the risk of throwing something in the stew that clashes with its other ingredients, and there'll be significant potential and several opportunities that could end up going to waste.
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tremendouskoalachild · 2 months ago
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Inquisitor Women in Star Wars: a 2024 Summary
while women are underrepresented in the Sith order, the Inquisitorius is quite an egalitarian organization :) let's sum up what we know about these lovely ladies
(spoilers for everything concerning inquisitor characters, including the manner of their death)
2. Second Sister aka Trilla Suduri
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Padawan to Cere Junda at the time of Order 66
captured and tortured into joining the Inquisitorius shortly after
dies 5 years later, executed by Vader for her perceived failure
human; age unknown, I'd estimate late teens to mid-twenties at the time of recruitment
created for Jedi: Fallen Order (2019), appeared before the game's release as a cameo in Darth Vader 2017 issue 19 (2018) and as a main character in the game tie-in miniseries Dark Temple. mentioned in Rise of the Red Blade (2023).
ambitious, relentless, a good slicer. wears a full helmet all the time when on the job.
3. Third Sister aka Reva Sevander
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12-year-old human youngling at the time of Order 66
joined the organization voluntarily and while hiding her identity, at an unspecified point a relatively short time before 10 years post-Order 66
left the Inquisitorius 10 years after Order 66, after failing to kill Darth Vader and being left to die
created for Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022). not in RotRB, likely due to not yet being a member during the book's timeline. does not appear and isn't mentioned in other canon material, outside of OWK's comic adaptation.
spent 10 years single-mindedly pursuing her goal of revenge. very intense and ambitious. youngest recruit we know of and the only one to have at least a quasi-canon number duplicate (the Third Brother).
4. Fourth Sister aka Lyn Rakish
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joined the Inquisitorius around the time of Order 66, apparently of her own free will
species, age and rank at that point unknown, may have been a peer of Barriss or somewhat older
left the Inquisitorius after serving it for over 15 years (actual time unknown but less than 20 years)
created for Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022), part of the main cast in Tales of the Empire (2024), mentioned in RotRB (2023).
dedicated to the organization, pragmatic and better at cooperation than most colleagues.
7. Seventh Sister
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joined the Inquisitorius shortly after Order 66, and appears to have been tortured into it
mirialan; age and rank before recruitment unknown, implied she may have been a peer of Aayla Secura or younger
killed in action after serving the Inquisitorius for 16 years
created for Rebels s2 (2015), a minor character with several scenes in Darth Vader 2017, RotRB (2023) and the Inquisitors comic miniseries (2024)
only one on the list without a known name. snarky and flirty with targets. strained relationship with multiple coworkers.
9. Ninth Sister aka Masana Tide
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Dowutin, age unknown and hard to estimate
joined the Inquisitorius involuntarily shortly after Order 66, through torture and mutilation
dies 10 years later, killed by her target
created for Darth Vader (2017) as a recurring character. part of the main cast in Jedi: Fallen Order (2019), shows up in Jedi: Survivor (2023), has a part in RotRB (2023) and Inquisitors (2024).
best empath of the Inquisitorius. snarky and jovial even with Darth Vader. very traumatized. keeps losing body parts.
13. Thirteenth Sister aka Iskat Akaris
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joined voluntarily after flirting with the dark side for years and being groomed by Palpatine
21-year-old Knight at the time, pkorian (species created for her)
killed 5 years after joining by Vader for perceived disloyalty
created for Darth Vader 2017 issue 19 (2018), main character of novel Rise of the Red Blade (2023)
only inquisitor to have a boyfriend in canon. has a helmet she wears on missions but is pretty laid back about it. only gets her inquisitor name a while into her tenure, so her birth name is known to others.
+ Barriss Offee
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former Jedi in Republic prison at the time of joining
agreed to get recruited a short while after Order 66, but left on her first mission after learning more about the organization, never got a proper inquisitor title
mirialan; age unknown but is around the age or slightly older than Ahsoka, 17 year old at the time; would have been 21 according to a non-canon reference book
has existed since 2002 as a background character in the prequels and their now non-canon tie-in novels, her short-lived inquisitor iteration was long rumored and introduced in Tales of the Empire (2024).
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matan4il · 1 year ago
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Daily update post:
The biggest news out of Israel today is of course that late last night, the government approved a deal with Hamas to release some of the hostages. Here are the details as reported on the news:
50 hostages will be released in 4 groups over the course of 4 days, during which there would be no fighting. Hamas said they will be women and kids, Israel will only be told who's being released the day before. Not all kids are being released. Israel in exchange will release 150 people convicted for terrorist activity. Hamas says it will use these 4 days to try and locate 20 more hostages to be released. Hamas says that some of the hostages are in the hands of smaller terrorist organizations, and some are also being held by civilian families. Just a reminder that some civilians from Gaza followed the terrorists into Israel once the border fence was torn down. Most probably just to loot the houses attacked by terrorists, but at least some partook in the killing of Israeli civilians. Here is a vid of one such man, riding a bicycle stolen from a murdered Israeli, bragging about having killed 3 family members...
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For every additional hostage Hamas finds and releases beyond the 50 agreed upon, it will get 3 more convicted terrorists released. For every 10, it will get one more day without fighting, for a total possible break of 6 days. In addition, Israel will not be flying over Gaza, not airplanes and not drones, for 6 hours daily.
It's reported that the stop in fighting will start tomorrow (Thursday) at 10 in the morning. Based on past experience, you can expect Hamas to fire rockets at Israel even past 10, just to show it got the "last word" and Israel will have to contain this, in order to keep the whole deal from falling apart.
The ambivalence about the deal that I tried to express in yesterday's daily post is what I'm hearing almost across the board. People want the hostages who will be freed, they're afraid for the fate of those who won't be, and they're scared of how Hamas might use this break in the fighting.
I think the most infuriating thing Israelis have come across is people describing the deal as "hostage exchange." Multiple Israelis have posted to make the same point: the hostages kidnapped from Israel were all innocent. The prisoners that will be released were all convicted for violent activity. They did not murder, but they tried to.
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I saw an interview with one Israeli mother who had survived an attempted murder by a terrorist. She discovered that the woman who committed that crime is one of the prisoners who might be released. The thing is, they used to live in the same neighborhood. The mother asked, "Why should my kid have to see every day the woman who tried to kill me?" Almagor, an Israeli organization for victims of terrorism, has petitioned the Israeli supreme court against the deal. It's not likely to work, as the supreme court has indicated in the past it has no jurisdiction over political decisions, only legal ones.
And of course there's the fear that more Israeli soldiers might pay the price for the fact that Hamas will use the break in the fighting to re-arm and learn from its failures so far. That's the better scenario. There's also the possibility that Hamas would do what they did on "The Black Friday" in 2014. On Aug 1, a ceasefire with Hamas was supposed to start at 8 in the morning. At 9:05 Hamas terrorists used a terror tunnel to attack Israeli soldiers, murder them and kidnap the body of one of them, Hadar Goldin. Nine years later, the body has not yet been returned.
Today is not a day of relief in Israel.
The UK has announced it would allocate 7 million pounds to fighting antisemitism, which is welcome news. Switzerland said it will pass legislation that would prohibit Hamas activity through it.
A uniquely Israeli moment that happened yesterday... Jewish first sergeant Mordechai Shenvald, who was seriously injured in Gaza, playing with his Arab physician, Doctor Darwashe, a song by famous Arab singer Um Kultum, called Inti Umri:
Israel has torn down today a Jewish settlement established illegally in the disputed territories. You'll always hear about when Israel takes down Arab houses built illegally, but I bet most people here havne't heard about it when Jewish Israeli civilians get the exact same treatment for this exact same offense.
This is part of the testimony of a father to a girl with special needs, whose family has survived the Oct 7 massacre:
instagram
This is 25 years old Shani Gabai.
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She was considered missing since the Oct 7 massacre. Today, her body was identified among the other victims of the music festival.
(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)
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mbti-notes · 14 days ago
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What's the best way to start believing in soulmates again? Or just love, really. Recently I've been feeling like there isn't really a person for me out there, even though I know it's irrational. No matter how hard I try, they always leave or reveal really big flaws they didn't show in the beginning or cheat or just start liking someone else more than they like me. I fear things are never going to last with anyone. I've always been a romantic and dreamt of having my own family one day, but it's getting harder and harder to believe getting a good relationship it's anything other than dumb luck. Work doesn't seem to help anything, it always just makes it worse. Why? (infp 27) (I go to therapy ofc)
It can indeed be very difficult to maintain an optimistic outlook when you're frequently running up against harsh realities. However, it's important to remember that human relationships are quite complicated. There are a variety of factors/reasons behind why relationships don't work out. The question is whether you truly understand why yours haven't so far. Only by operating on the truth can you find a productive way forward. For example:
(1) Are your expectations realistic and reasonable? There is a grain of truth in the stereotype that romantics are naive or unrealistic people (and I say this as a romantic myself). If you're "romantic" in the sense that your expectations of people are completely out of touch with reality, then the problem mainly lies in your habit of oversimplifying and then setting yourself up for disappointment. (This is related to problematic Ne.)
When people meet for the first time, it's natural for them to put their best foot forward and make a good impression, otherwise, the relationship will have a difficult time getting jump started. So, yes, flaws don't come out until later, until you get to know more about the person. However, there is a serious problem if you're judging people by their cover and/or expecting people to not have any flaws at all.
There is no such thing as perfection. Despite what you see up front, every person is a complicated mix of positive and negative qualities. What you should be trying to figure out is whether the negative qualities are unacceptable and outweigh the positive, to the point where you can objectively say that the person is not good relationship material, or they are not relationship-ready.
Are you evaluating people in an objective manner? This question should always be top of mind for INFPs because lack of objectivity is one of their major shortcomings.
(2) Are you looking for people in the right places? What methods do you use? For example, if you primarily do online dating, then it really is luck of the draw, isn't it? The problem is that apps are full of unserious people who end up wasting your time. This doesn't mean there isn't someone for you; it only means that you have to accept the randomness of the method and be willing to spend time digging through the trash to get to the treasure. In other words, you have to accept multiple failures as the cost of doing business.
If you don't like the randomness of online dating, then you have to be more focused and efficient in your search methods. Get involved in clubs, groups, or community organizations with people who share more in common with you or have traits/characteristics that are important to you. For instance, if you prefer to be with someone of the same ethnicity or religion or political persuasion, then spend more time traveling in those circles, either in your local area or online.
(3) Are you looking for the right people? When people tell me that they're having a hard time finding the right person, I always ask them about their pattern of attraction. An easy way to tell whether there is a problem in this department is to observe the people you've been with and whether there's a recurring pattern in their flaws. In other words, do you "have a type" and is that type bad for you?
Are you aware of why you find certain people attractive or unattractive? Generally speaking, the more unaware a person is of their attraction patterns, the more likely that there's something unhealthy in there to address.
Some common psychological issues that lead people to unconsciously seek out the wrong romantic partners include: unrealistic expectations; attachment style issues; mommy/daddy issues; trust issues; fear of vulnerability; overcompensation; etc. The greater the number of underlying issues at play, the more difficult it will be for two people to build a healthy relationship.
If you suffer from any psychological issues that make you attract or feel attracted to the wrong sorts of people, then it would be wise to take a break from dating and work on yourself, to understand how to finally break the unhealthy pattern.
(4) Are you relationship-ready? As a general rule, if you want a good romantic partner, you should first learn to BE a good romantic partner. Are there things about you that make you a bad relationship candidate or not relationship-ready? This is important because when you're not relationship-ready, you could meet the best person in the world and the relationship still won't succeed.
In order to determine whether you have some important work to do to improve your relationship skills, you have to undertake a brutally honest assessment of your past relationships. Unless you've been really unlucky in meeting too many sociopaths, it generally takes two people to wreck a normal relationship. What part did you play in the relationship falling apart? Is there a recurring theme in how your relationships fall apart?
For instance, you've already described a bit of a pattern in terms of not seeing people's flaws in a timely manner. This could indicate that your perception of people is too: naive or oversimplified; unrealistic or idealistic; infected with wishful thinking; full of denial or deflection; nitpicky or critical; etc.
It's important to remember that the level of your relationship skills plays a huge part in whether relationships succeed or fail. Relationship skills include: openness and trust; emotional generosity; expressing care and encouragement; perspective taking and empathy skills; communication skills; conflict resolution skills; assertiveness; curiosity; willingness to share; etc. Being skills, they can be learned, practiced, and refined. There is always more room for improvement.
(5) Are you too desperate? Companionship and love are universal human needs because we evolved as a social species. There's no shame in wanting love. However, when an important human need goes unmet for too long, it can turn into something dark and ugly, e.g., an insatiable longing, a desperate craving, an uncontrollable compulsion, or a spiraling addiction.
It's important to understand that human needs can be fulfilled or partially fulfilled in a variety of ways. It's unhealthy to believe that there's only one way and then keep chasing it at all costs. When you search too long for something and can't find it, it starts to affect your attitude. You can become pessimistic or cynical, just as you've described.
IMO, one of the best ways to find a good romantic partner is to stop looking so hard. What you should do instead is aim to fill your life with as much companionship and love as possible. Get up, get more involved in the world, and make more friends. Join clubs, volunteer, and be more active in your community. Use the contacts you already have to continuously expand your social circle.
Make yourself useful in the world and, over time, you'll find that people will start seeking you out rather than the other way around. When you live life with the purpose of being a loving person and injecting everything you do with love, you may get pleasantly surprised at how many romantic opportunities pop up when you least expect it.
If you want to believe in soulmates, then it's not a stretch to also believe that life has its own mysterious rhyme and rhythm. Trying to force something to happen when the conditions aren't yet favorable isn't going to bring you great results.
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underfaller · 2 months ago
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I grow maddened. 
Rating: T Bill Cipher/ Ford Pines Word Count: 1.5k
I grow maddened. 
Stanford races away from the town until the cobblestone path turns into thick snow. The words circle around his skull, over and over-- a broken record that plays into his increasing insanity. As he stumbles through the woods, his vision lurches; Ford swears that all the dark trees have familiar, yellow eyes, watching every step he makes. 
Watching. Waiting. Ready to devour him right then and there. 
The townspeople all have Bill's eyes. They’re all watching me. I can’t trust them. 
In Gravity Falls, you can trust no one. That isn't a problem-- Stanford Filbrick Pines has no one. 
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He barges into his cabin, fumbling with the door’s (multiple) locks before sinking to the floor, back against the hardwood. Ford clutches his right eye. It’s agonizing. Thick blood drips from the organ, sliding down his fingers as he sits, half panting, half sobbing, and fully delirious. 
My muse was a monster. I was a puppet.
Ford stands up, storming through his empty home, still clutching his wounded eye. Blind. I was so blind! How could I have been so stupid? He’s hurt. Betrayed. And furious at himself. 
Ford tears off at the golden tapestries that adorn every corner of the cabin. He shatters every crystal prism until his boots crunch against glass that litters the floor like iridescent snow. Still, he cannot shake his delirium. 
‘Sixer, it’ll eat you alive.’
He’s exhausted, yet he can’t sleep. When Ford even closes his eyes a bit longer than usual, his vision dances with triangles and he snaps them open in a panic. No, he can’t possibly sleep knowing who he’ll see in his dreams.  
But Ford doesn’t know how much longer he can stay awake. He’s growing desperate. He wonders if this is all worth it.
I grow maddened.  
Stanford’s never considered suicide but in his misery and fatigue, the blissful peace of eternal sleep is tempting.Even rabid animals gain the respite of death, surely, Ford reckons, he deserves that much. 
Or do my failures make me less than an animal? 
Ford wonders if he should leave a note. It would certainly be in character-- Stanford always needed to have the last word.
But who would even read it?
Not F. His former partner is probably already in  Palo Alto, enjoying his doting family without even a sliver of thought about Ford or their former dreams. 
Not his brother. How long has it even been? It must have been over ten years since Ford saw him. He envisions his twin’s face-- identical to his own despite their opposite personalities and paths in life. 
Was I too harsh on him all those years ago? 
Would he even care?
Perhaps, his old muse and his current tormentor. Though, Stanford’s suicide note would be more of a white flag than a triumphant last statement. Bill would certainly be amused by his former devotee’s fate. 
Stanford Filbrick Pines has no one. 
Ford makes his way up to the attic.
Perhaps this is the most logical course of action. 
He plans every step in his life yet the one to end it is one done most spontaneously. 
If I do this one thing by myself, will it finally be of my own accord--my own freedom? Or am I still being pulled by his strings?
Ford is in no mental state to pursue such theoreticals now. 
After some fenangling, he undoes his tie and stands atop a rickety chair begging to be kicked over. A red noose hangs over his head, its shadow looming over Stanford like Death. 
Watching. Waiting. Ready to devour him right then and there. 
Stanford looks down. On the floor is a pair of knitted gloves. He made sure to take them off before tying his noose. He closes his eyes. 
He doesn’t see Bill. Instead he sees Fiddleford. Then Stanley. 
They make him hesitate. 
“Ha… hahaha!” 
Stanford’s stomach lurches as his vision doubles. A wave of nausea washes over him before all he can feel is pain and panic and as he grapples for something-- anything-- he only falls further into blackness. 
When Stanford opens his eyes once more, he’s met by his muse. He hovers in front of him with a smug grin. 
“Hiya, Stanford! Watcha doin’?” 
He’s paralyzed in mid air but can still muster words filled with malice. 
“Get out of my head.” 
“Why? So you can continue trying to kill yourself? You’re so dramatic, Fordsy!” 
Bill lets out a shrill laugh; it makes Stanford’s ears ring. 
“I said get out of my head!” Ford shouts. 
Bill stops laughing. There’s a short silence. It feels like an eternity in this pitch darkness. Bill shrugs, raising an eyebrow. 
“Fine, if you want to die so badly, let me help!” 
“Wait-” 
Ford’s body suddenly goes limp, his mind goes slack. Fear overcomes him. 
“Have you forgotten? You’re my puppet.” Bill stumbles around in Ford’s body, giggling. He watches in horror as Bill puppeteers his body off the chair, towards the window. He throws it open, exposing himself to the freezing, winter temperatures. 
“I can do whatever I please with this meat puppet and you, well, you’re just here for the ride! So relax, Sixer, and enjoy the show!”
Even from his mental prison, Ford feels the biting January snow against his skin. 
“Let go of me, Bill! Our deal is off! Get out of my body! Get out of my-” 
“Mind? You first, IQ!” Bill taunts. “Do you think I’d let you go so easily? No, no. Silly Stanford, you’re mine. From now until eternity!” 
Bill takes in a deep breath and exhales, clouds forming from his hot breath. He looks down. 
It's a long way down. 
“Now this is the way to go! Not with some half baked noose made out of your own tie. No, no, my Sixer deserves a spectacular death! Haha!” 
Ford watches in horror as his body teeters over the snowy ledge. He tries to fight the darkness but he’s paralyzed, at the mercy of Bill’s control. 
“What was it again? Ad astra per aspera?” Bill shouts into the icy wind. He cackles maniacally. “Well you better start flapping, Icarus!” 
Ford tries to summon even an ounce of willpower to stop Bill’s possession of his body. He’d never beg aloud for anything. He’d never grovel to Bill Cipher for his meager life. 
But Bill hears all of his thoughts. 
Stop Bill. Please stop. 
Bill laughs aloud.  “Aww…Scared to die? Don’t get cold feet now!” 
Ford’s suffocating. His mind is swimming. His vision swarms. He can’t breathe. 
He needs control but he’s not in control. He never was. 
I am going to die. I’m going to really die here. 
He’s being buried alive in this void. Still, he chokes, 
“Why? I thought you still needed me to turn the portal on?” 
His muse shushes him with a hand wave.
“Can’t a demon help his old partner out? Call it an act of divine benevolence.” 
Bill’s simpering voice makes Ford shiver. He tries to protest further, but he can’t speak. He thinks of Fiddleford. 
He thinks of Stanley. 
He thinks of Shermie. 
He thinks of his mother. 
I am really never going to see them again. 
I still- 
Bill snaps his fingers and everything goes dark for Ford. As he prepares to throw Ford’s helpless body off the window’s ledge, he suddenly stops. Silence. The wind howls. Bill slowly steps back. 
“Ya know Sixer, I could completely wipe your memory with a snap of my fingers. Make you this petty revenge. You could be my little human pet for all of eternity! Wouldn’t that be much better than whatever this is?” 
He examines Stanford’s body in a mirror. Yellow eyes glint back at Bill. This is the optimal Ford. Too bad his little pet didn’t see eye to eye anymore. 
“But it wouldn't be that much fun, would it? At least for me. It’s not the same when I force you to worship me.” 
Ford is still incapacitated but Bill continues. Bill furrows his brow. He sighs. 
“You were such a devout worshiper. You’re actually adorable! Not to mention, very useful-- and a freak of nature to boot! We were the perfect duo! Though I suppose that’s come to an end…” 
Bill laughs bitterly. 
“If you were any of my other henchmen. Oho--you'd be a splatter on the wall right now! It’s ridiculous how difficult it is for me to actually kill you.”
L kdyh ixoo frqwuro ryhu brx, bhw, vrphwlphv, L ihho olnh brx’uh wkh rqh zlwk wkh vwulqjv.
Bill looks at the open window one last time before his smirk returns. 
“You'll come around in time, ” He says. “Eventually. For now, keep futilely struggling. I'll just wait. I have all of time to wait.” 
Bill snaps his fingers again. Ford is once again in his body. The hallucination is over. He looks around wildly. 
“Either way, this party is far from over so don’t go offing yourself yet!” Bill's voice calls. “If you do, I might have to get your twin involved-- and you probably don’t want that.” 
Silence once more. The sun is rising. Ford stands in the middle of the empty room, his heart in his throat.  
As dawn arrives, a soft, golden light shines upon him through a single, triangular window.
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sigyn-foxyposts · 4 months ago
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"My versions of the Cawthon family" Fnaf affinity AU! (Outdated & Old‼)
‼️Not based on the creator of FNAF‼️
Note: Mobox sold some of the characters I've included and I'll be crediting them.
Owner credit: @sunny-paw Maggie (renamed Maria)
Owner credit: @aftonsocks Thomas
Since this family was my favorite, I couldn't resist the urge to write about my versions of them. Most of what this is either made up or used to be cannon to Mobox87's original and older AU! I hope you like it! :3
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Name: Scott Cawthon.
Nickname: Scotty
Nationality: British (Moved to America)
Scott is very clumsy and skittish.
Has always struggled mentally, thanks to his childhood being quite rough.
Has undiagnosed ADHD.
Likes to keep things organized.
Hates when someone is disobedient.
Suffers from insomnia.
He has a high pain tolerance and often gets injured, hence the many bandages he is wearing. Maggie puts them on.
Feels horrible for not being able to realize that Vincent was guilty for his children & many's deaths.
Scott is phone guy and tape guy!
Scott didn't actually die after the animatronics attacked and stuffed him into a suit, he was just severely injured.
Despite being in pain, he managed to stay alive until someone found him. After that incident he decided to retire.
He commits suicide, suffocating during the fnaf 6 fire together with Michael.
Scott is a hard working man that love's his family more than anything, but struggles to keep the stability going. Not only does he specialize with dangerous animatronics at work along side his brother Vincent, who creates questionable design choices for their creations. He has always struggled mentally and because of the lack of sleep he is getting, he gets injured and problems often arise at home. He tries to be a better husband to Maggie and father to his sons..but has to admit he is far from perfect. He retired from Fazbear entertainment after the tragedies and focused on his remaining family, returning during fnaf 6 to aid Michael and decided he would commit suicide with them.
Name: Margaret Cawthon.
Nickname: Maggie.
Maiden name: Fritz.
Nationality: Norwegian.
She is a natural redhead.
Has dyed her hair dark and cut it multiple times through her life.
She went to medical school and worked as a nurse for a few years.
She retired early and became a stay at home mom when she got pregnant.
Has a slight drinking problem and hates how addicted she is to it.
She suffers from compassion fatigue.
Developed depression and erratic behavior after the disappearances.
Feels guilty for Thomas's death because she was drinking that night and asked Scott to get him. (He was working late)
After Scott died in the fire, she went back to her drinking habits and died from liver failure. (Basically suicide)
Margaret Cawthon is a stay at home mother who often finds herself stressed over not just her sons, but also her husband. Thanks to his recklessness at work and his horrible sleep schedules, along with his mental health. Maggie and Scott tend to argue a lot about his well being and over how they should manage things in their household, which often ends up going nowhere. This caused her to pick up a small drinking habit that she tries her best to hide from everyone, especially her children. After the missing children's incident she went completely off the rails and had to be sent away to the mental hospital by Scott. She really struggled, especially with the guilt of not being able to protect her kids. Eventually she would be able to return back to Scott and their remaining son, raising him.
Name: Thomas Fritz Cawthon.
Nickname: Tom.
Age: 13 (When he died)
Struggles with anxiety.
His favorite animatronic is puppet.
He really likes collecting porcelain dolls.
Enjoys listening to the music box because it was a lullaby his parents used to comfort him with as a baby.
Thomas is left handed!
The lefty animatronic was based on a stuffed teddy bear he owned.
Later Scott recreated Lefty as a animatronic to capture Thomas.
Like Scott he is also clumsy and skittish.
He is very pale and easily gets bruised.
To avoid people assuming bad things about his home life, he wears make-up, long sleeves and pants.
He originally wore make-up to just hide his bruises but started to enjoy it!
Scott and Maggie find this adorable and often she helps him experiment around with her make-up stash!
Even though he keeps calm under stressful situations, when conflicts arises his anxiety skyrockets.
He knows Maggie has a drinking problem but hasn't said that he knows.
He hates when his parents argue because of how Bart got injured once.
His favorite cousin is Chris, who he heavily sympathizes with!
Vincent stabbed Thomas multiple times out of drunken rage, leaving him outside to bleed out slowly in the rain.
Thomas is the oldest son and takes a lot after both his parents. He is quite gloomy, clumsy and introverted but a passionate caretaker like Maggie. He is very protective of his siblings and the missing children after he is killed by Vincent outside of the pizzeria. The reason he died was because he was waiting for Scott to finish working after Maggie forgot to pick him up. At first he blamed both his parents for his death, but stopped holding a grudge against them when he realized Scott and Michael tried to free them behind the scenes.
Name: Bartholomew Fritz Cawthon.
Nickname: Bart.
Age: 8 (When he died)
Has ADHD.
His favorite animal is the fox, hence why he loves and adores foxy.
He has an obsession with pirates and pretends to be one all the time!
His favorite holiday is Halloween.
He likes to tease and be the annoying younger brother towards Thomas.
Sings those kids nursery rhymes 24/7.
Hates loud shouting and glass breaking after he was accidentally hit during an argument between Scott and Maggie.
His favorite cousin is Brandy because she likes playing pirates with him!
Vincent lured Bart to parts and service, breaking his kneecaps, cutting of his hand and slicing his throat. It was so deep he pretty much decapitated him.
Bartholomew also known as Bart for short, is the second oldest son. He is hyperactive and outgoing to the fullest, insisting he is the leader of any group he comes across, siblings or friendships. You'll often see him wearing pirate gears and singing songs, dragging around his younger brother who happily follows. Bart always unintentionally gets himself into trouble, even if it isn't his fault and while he loves his father.. Hates being punished by him. After he was killed by his own uncle Vincent, like the other missing children he can't trust adults and is very aggressive. Even to his own father Scott, when he figured out he possessed Foxy and tried to communicate with him.
Name: Matthew Fritz Cawthon
Nickname: Matt.
Age: 3 (in 1984)
He is somewhere on the autism spec.
His favorite animatronic is balloon boy.
Balloon boy was inspired by Matthew's younger appearance and made by Scott.
He has a huge sweetooth and will try to steal sweets when no one is watching!
He loves to celebrate and attend parties because it's exciting to him!
While he doesn't look like the type, he thrives in others happiness.
Which he sadly didn't get at home often!
His favorite hobby is arts and crafts and he actually helped decorate the pizzeria along with other children.
His favorite cousin is Elizabeth because she offered him ice cream once.
Matthew Is the youngest son and the only surviving family member of the Afton and Cawthon family after Michael. As a child he was a bubbly boy filled with laughter, often finding himself following others around rather than leading the way like his older brother Bart. He was very young when his brothers disappeared and when he got older he struggled remembering them. When Maggie was sent away to the mental hospital, Scott retired to take care of him and was finally able to improve his parental skills. When Matthew became an adult he started working under Fazbear entertainment despite the history it held.
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thefirst3chapters · 3 months ago
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The scene with Rory and Logan at the beginning of "Gilmore Girls Only" stood out in a recent Season 7 rewatch.
Logan has been reeling from his failed business deal for a while at this point. In the previous episode, he missed Lane and Zack's baby shower to go to Vegas with the LBD on a whim. Rory is concerned about how he is handling the situation and is visibly agitated, but she doesn't press the issue. Then Mitchum arrives and demands that Logan show up at work so they can figure out to handle the financial loss. After this, Rory says "far be it from me to agree with your father, but you have been kind of irresponsible" and essentially takes Mitchum's side. Logan's response is, "I expected a little support here," and Rory's iconic line follows: "Logan, I love you, but I'm not going to support every stupid thing that you do." Rory makes it clear that she isn't upset with Logan because he failed, she's upset because of how he's reacted to that failure.
The writing doesn't bring up this parallel directly, but it's all an interesting callback to late S5/early S6 when Rory experienced a setback and distracted herself with a major destructive choice (stealing the boat) and socializing with Logan and his friends while avoiding her disapproving parent. It seems like Logan views support in a relationship as standing by the other person and not pressuring them to take action. He embodied this way of thinking when Rory wasn't in school and seems to want Rory to do the same thing when he's had a setback, but they both end up remaining stuck until someone confronts them more directly.
When Rory voices her disapproval, she does so because she cares about Logan and wants to see him doing better, but Logan perceives it as disloyalty. Rory's actions here mirror Jess's "Why did you drop out of Yale?" in S6 (which in turn, as many have pointed out, mirrors Rory's "You are way stronger than that, and I don't even want to hear it" in S2). In S2, Rory didn't know all the details about Jess's childhood that likely set him up to have a cynical outlook about his potential, and in S6, Jess didn't have the whole story about why Rory left Yale and why she was struggling. However, that missing information did not stop either Rory or Jess from unabashedly telling the other person that they could achieve more anyway, and they both act on this encouragement, in the long run in Jess's case and almost immediately in Rory's case.
Rory has interactions like this with other people, too. In "A Tale of Poes and Fire," Rory visits Paris in the midst of her crisis over not getting into Harvard (and after Paris humiliated Rory on live television, no less). After a few minutes of being quietly supportive, Rory assertively tells Paris, "you, my friend, need a life plan, so here it is," and gives her practical directions for moving forward. This isn't so much inspiration (like what Rory and Jess do for each other) as it is a command, and in the next episode, Paris is back to her ultra-organized and authoritative self. Rory matches the way Paris communicates with others, and it ends up being an effective strategy for supporting her. (Paris, however, sticks with her own communication style when Rory doesn't want to go back to school, and it isn't convincing for her.) Then there's all the times Rory has been the voice of reason with Lorelai.
There's a lot of talk about Logan's character development in Season 7, and he is shown as a loyal and supportive partner on multiple occasions, but his core character flaw of trying to escape reality through amusement and adventure (and getting defensive when someone points this out) is also featured. Rory is pretty ambivalent about their relationship when she's in the car with Lorelai and Emily in this episode, and she later tells him when he flies to Mia's wedding that his grand gestures aren't going to make her forget their problems anymore.
So are Rory's actions here effective? Logan reflects on why he reacted to losing the investments the way he did and decides to quit his father's business, and he spends the next few episodes eager to strike out on his own, but we really don't know how he's going to handle his next disappointments. Rory also faces some disappointment at the end of Season 7 after she turns down a job offer to take a risk on the New York Times fellowship (with Logan's encouragement) and isn't accepted, but after a little bit of wallowing she bounces right back. There's at least hope under the Season 7 pen that Logan can grow past his old patterns until AYITL shows him once again embracing escapism while ultimately intending to stick with "the dynastic plan."
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candyswirls · 2 months ago
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An Eye for an Eye, A Pup for a Pup
Summary: Finnja, a wolf priest with a tender heart for neophytes, experiences multiple losses of aspirants, or pups, in a row. After being called a second time to execute a legion he finds he cannot bring himself to harm their neophytes.
This leads to Leman Russ promising the priest that if they are ever called to execute another legion he may take and adopt one neophyte. They are now on their way to Prospero. He hopes Leman remembers and upholds his promise.
Warnings: CW: Mention of death, CW: loss of child/youth, CW: Blood, Typical 40K violence
He stared down at the neophyte, no more than a lad. He scooted further between the wall and bed frame, eyes wide with fear. His blue eyeshadow and kohl were smudge with blood spatter.
The Wolf Priest easily moved the bed out of the way and the neophyte flopped to the floor. The youth looked up at the wolf priest and he could feel psychic waves roll up at him.
Please. Don’t kill me. I’m scared. I will fight to the very end.
The wolf priest crouched before the youth and extended a hand.
This one would do. He’d be his pup.
***
Finnja rested his head in his hands. Even after he washed off the blood, he could still see it on his fingers. Especially when he closed his eyes. He’d been trying to do so for years now.
A failure of a wolf priest he was. So many neophytes and initiates lost. So many failed surgeries. Even now as they had been called forth as the emperors executioners a second time, he hesitated. He couldn’t bring himself to fulfill those orders. He froze. The other legion’s fearful yet brave initiates, neophytes, and scouts burned into his mind, as his legions own pups were.
Surely the Wolf King himself would have him be demoted, killed, or turned into a servitor.
He sat now in one of the freezers of Hrafnkel. He found that the cold air helped ground him, reminding him of Fenris.
The door unlatched and he looked up to see the Russ enter, closing it behind him. He wore a stern expression.
Finnja lowered his head in submission.
“Finnja,” he said in a low voice. “You hesitated. No, you froze. I’d like to know why one of my best wolf priests failed me today.”
That last line was all it took to break him. Tears began streaming down his cheeks. He struggled to control his breathing.
He felt his genesire’s hands on his shoulders.
“Finnja,” Leman said. “Finnja look at me. What is wrong?”
Finnja gritted his teeth, “I am not your best wolf priest! How can you call me that after…”
He swallowed as the memories surfaced.
“After I lost so many aspirants,” he choked. “So many blood claws. One after another.”
Leman softened in his voice, “Finnja that is not your fault.”
Finnja looked up at his primarch, “Is it not though? So many in a row! In such ways the others refused to be out under my hand! I lost so many of them. So many… I have failed you, the legion, and them. I am not fit to be a wolf priest, let alone one of your warriors.”
He lowered his head again.
“You are tender about this,” Leman commented as he moved to sit next to Finnja.
Finnja threw out his hands, “I still see each of their faces! Their faces! I know each of their names! I knew them! They trusted me and… I killed them. Innocent pups. They were just innocent pups. So eager to serve. So eager for battle. I can still hear them. Still see their blood on my hands.”
More tears streamed down his cheeks.
Leman insisted again, “it is not your fault. You did everything you could for them. A bad batch of geneseed. A bad batch of antibiotics. A bad batch of organs. Because of you we discovered the treachery of that adept. This could have gone on for a lot longer. You have saved countless other pups and blood claws.”
Finnja ran his hand through his hair, “I still cannot get over the ones I killed. Then to be called to execute again and to see all those neophytes. All those lads. Just pups… I saw the faces of ours in them. I-I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to kill them. All I could see was ours. Torburr, Ronin, Iver. I could see Iver for thrones sake! He sounded just like him! His screams too!”
Finnja covered his face again as he cried.
Leman sighed and rested a hand on Finnja’s head.
“Each time we are called to exterminate another one of my brothers,” he said. “I loathe it. Seeing their desperate and betrayed faces. The hurt it brings them. The pleads of mercy. I despise it. But I follow the emperor, my father, because I am loyal and I will follow what he says. It is my duty.”
Finnja looked up at his Father.
“My Jarl Russ,” he spoke. “I will follow you into any battle and carry out any order. I will not hesitate again. But if we are called to do this again. If I have to witness and enact the slaughter of aspirants and neophytes… I will do it, but you will also have to carry out my body. I know I will not live through it. I could not allow myself to do so. Not when I’m already trying so hard to protect and raise up our own. My hearts cannot take it. Forgive my weakness and tender soul.”
Leman was silent for a bit. Finnja prepared for the worst. His Primarch’s rage, the howling, punishment.
But none of that came.
“You have suffered much loss as of late,” Leman stated. “I too feel their loss. You do good work. More pups have been able to ascend to Bloodclaw full Astartes due to your efforts. Emperor forbid it, but if we ever are called to execute another legion again… I promise this to you: you may pick one neophyte you deem worthy and moldable to save. You can keep them and thehcan become a part of our legion. Adopt them into our ways and pack. This I swear unto you that it may ease your burden. Though I pray it never comes to that again.”
Finnja nodded, “Thank you, my Jarl. Even just the promise alone is comforting.”
Leman nodded and stood.
“Come,” he ordered. “There is work to be done. The remaining members of my brother’s legion are to be delivered to the ultramarines.”
Finnja nodded and followed his Primarch out. Wondering if he would ever have the chance to do so, comforted by the very thought.
***
Dark tension and anticipation filled the ship. The Warmaster’s message had come in not even hours before hand but word had spread quickly. They were not to bring the Red Sorcerer back to Terra in chains. This was an execution. An extinguishing of his entire legion.
Finnja moved towards his Primarch’s room with urgency. He was fortunate to come across him in the hallway.
“Jarl Russ,” he greeted.
“What is it Finnja?” Leman questioned.
“May I speak to you?” He inquired. “It is about the upcoming… extermination.”
Leman nodded and motioned for the wolf priest to follow. Geri and Freki flanked the Primarch as they entered his chambers.
Once the door was shut, it was just the two of them and the wolves.
“Are you wishing to back out of the battle?” Leman inquired, an edge of warning in his voice.
Finnja shook his head, “No, my Primarch. I only wish to see if you remembered your promise to me all those years ago and if it still stands. I hope it still does.”
Leman sighed and stared off at nothing.
“I do not like the idea of one of my brother’s wretched witches joining our ranks,” Leman growled. “It is better to have them all exterminated.”
Finnja had prepared for the worst but he hadn’t anticipated the heavy pain in his hearts.
Leman looked at his son, “But I did promise you and I know this has given you solace.”
Finnja couldn’t help but light up. He could barely contain his smile.
Leman softened again at his son’s demeanor, “my promise still stands. But only one. No others.”
Finnja dropped to one knee, “Thank you my Jarl.”
“Finishing prepping,” Leman said. “We will arrive quicker than you think.”
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